This morning, as I pulled myself out of bed, I realized how much more slowly I’ve been getting up. It’s not aches and pains; it’s weight. And not just the extra thirty (God help me) I’ve put on during the last few years, but the weight of the years themselves. The weight of grief. The weight of long-suffering.
Most mornings, Darlene and I try to connect with God. For us, that’s prayer, worship, and quiet before the noises of family and life come flooding in. In the middle of all the sorrow we’ve experienced, I have struggled here and there with consistency. I think most people do.
But we keep getting up. If we miss a day. We’ll be back tomorrow.
So this morning I made coffee and sat on our love seat. Worshipful instrumental soaking music was on (we try to keep worship in our house 24/7) so the peaceful setting was there, and as I started to pray I sensed the Lord.
He’s always there when we come to him. Even if we can’t see Him. Even if we can’t feel him through our overstimulated emotions and senses. He’s there.
As I prayed, I realized that these days the connection from the Lord that I’m craving has returned to a deeper place.
What do I mean?
I mean that what my heart is crying out for is a deeper, more deeply emotional, more deeply true, more deeply meaningful connection to God. Not a mere connection so I can just go about my day while connected. In these days of trouble, I need to feel Him in the deepest part of me because it is the deepest parts of me that are so affected.
I need to experience and connect with God where my pain lives, not in the shallows.
So much of where we connect with God is in the hoop and holler, the bible-study and worship set, the self-help book, in the desire to achieve hopes and dreams that expire when we do.
It’s too shallow. It will leave us hyperventilating, gasping for a deep breath of Life instead of a drink of living water that drenches our soul in peace.
I think the world is ready to meet God on this level too. For years the Gospel has been used as a way to pump us up to get our dreams when Jesus is the breath that resurrects, the water that fully fills, the food that truly satisfies.